Sry I called you an 8
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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