Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
