Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Hippo gnu deer
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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