Im at strip club and am horny
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Still dying that you shit outside
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
