I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize