I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
