Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
