Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
