I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just want nice things and good sex
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
