I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
