the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize