i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
3pm strippers are depressing
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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