He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
