On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
