Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
