Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
