oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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