Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
