no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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