Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize