I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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