You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
