we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
