That's when you crack a 10am beer
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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