Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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