just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
