I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
