I can text with my tongue
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
