1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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