best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
