If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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