I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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