If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
