Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
