I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
