then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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