I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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