How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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