So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
