Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
