Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
