It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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