pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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