I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize