grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
