I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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