So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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