the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
