I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
My life is pants optional.
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