I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
