i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Hippo gnu deer
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize