I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
