All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
