I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
