I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize