Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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