My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
