Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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