i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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