i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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