If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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