whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
