I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
