I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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