Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
