You work out of a Hotel?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Those nachos came to me in a dream
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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