when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
