a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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