Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize