end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I enjoy the company of your penis
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
