Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
