mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
