before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
