Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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