Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
