WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
