No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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