The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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