You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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