That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
