At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
