i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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