Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
