Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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