then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
