Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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