i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Buhtt sex?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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