can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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