So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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