This is not my ceiling
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
