you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
