Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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