I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I wish there were birth control emojis
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
