I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I need to stop coming to work sober
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
