so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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