You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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