Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
