I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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