She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
