My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
