My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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