Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
