Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
