Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
