Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just found a bag of teeth...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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