Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
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