What did we do last night that was yellow?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
