peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
