can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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