My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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