His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
