I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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