This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
