can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
