There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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