i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
