Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
