somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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