Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize