not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
