You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
