Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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