WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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