it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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